Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Things That Scare Me

Bonjour… That is French for waddup?

There are many things in life that scare me, and today I will list a few, but go into too much detail about one in particular, and no doubt look like a fool.

First on the list of my scares, are heights. I am a proper pussy when it comes to heights… I avoid most roller-coasters, cliff edges, sky tower viewing platforms, and ladders. The strange thing is, I loved it on top of the Empire State Building. This is probably because of the chest high wall with railings on top, making it impossible to accidentally slip over the edge. I stood there for ages looking at the incredible sights. I’m also OK with flying, and ski lifts… but ask me to climb a ladder into my parents loft and I will say “no way, Jose” (even if your name isn’t Jose… I’m nuts like that).

I will now drop a truth bomb on myself, and admit to being scared of ending up alone. I have had a few serious relationships, one even lasted nearly 4 years, but I am yet again single at 26, and once again it isn’t by my choosing. I know this seems young to most people, and everyone says “you’ve got plenty of time yet”, but I judge myself by my family. My brother was with the same person from about 21, and got married at 28. My parents were married in their early twenties, and I’m still single. I look at my brother now, just turned 30 with a loving wife, nice house, and 2 beautiful boys, and I don’t want that RIGHT now, but it reminds me just how far away from having it I am. This thought does keep me awake at night sometimes.

But all joking aside, the thing that scares me most is this:

Dancing children… in particular, Hip Hip dancing children. It just freaks me out. Kids should not be able to do stuff like that. I can’t do stuff like that and I’ve got some killer moves and Olympic standard flexibility. That girl who was in that Missy Elliott video freaked me out for years. I can just imagine getting accosted in my local Morrisons by a group of “youths” and them challenging me to a dance off. I will throw out my best Sprinkler and transition smoothly into the Robot and what? Will they be impressed? Will I intimidate them? No! They will be walking around on one hand, scratching their heads with their own feet, and just doing general flips and shit. I will be humiliated, and will have to hand over my mobile phone.

I have to stop writing now… I’m starting to hyperventilate.

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